The Pharisee in Publican wear

I am certain that there is nobody amongst us who has not encountered a ‘humble opinion’ moment, coming from someone who is anything but modest. Lorraine knew far too well that Brigette’s desperation to sound humble was drawing attention to her vanity, which expects people to believe her every word even though she did not mean them. Brigette was in no way naïve to expect such unconditional trust either, but her self-importance blocked access to her otherwise perceptible senses. After all, when was the last time conceit got to bed with logic?

There are quotes and sayings galore – especially in Oriental civilizations – painting pride and egotism as driving monumental miseries and defeats into the lives of successful and happy people. Our very own Bible decimates self-righteous Pharisees who believed that following a ritual or law to the Book gave them the right to judge people who decided to live the essence of the law, foregoing the practice of its embellishing traditions.

Lorraine had seen herself struggling on several occasions trying to separate the ‘feeling good’ part from the ‘doing good’. After all, why would she go to great lengths performing a good deed if it did not make her feel good? Bad deeds were so much easier and fun, not to mention popular! She had a counter argument that she could logically understand – that layers and years of ‘feeling good’ would build themselves into self-righteousness and an inflated ego, making her a Pharisee of old.  Unfortunately, this understanding could not break the realms of her thinking to foray into action.

In essence, Lorraine and Brigette were both cut out of the same cloth. Both successful women who had enough ambition and pride to make their actions count, but had the good sense to pepper in a generous dash of forced modesty – at least in words – for social acceptance amongst the conforming weaklings.

They were colleagues in non-competing and equally placed positions in the organisational structure, managing different business portfolios. Both women have to their credit a fairly sound record of financial and career achievements. Their similarities ended there. They were diagonal opposites in more ways than one – Lorraine believed in measured word and behavior, guarding her privacy for dear life, while Brigette was all of bursting animated emotions with an unquenchable thirst for power and fame. In conflict, the former was indifferent and aloof, while the colourful latter was belligerent and vindictive. In persuasion, the former stuck to cold facts, while the latter resorted to manipulation. Lorraine was an idealist while Brigette was a realist.

Steering away from the customary description of women by their looks, with so much said about their attributes, their physical appearance pales into insignificance. So, let us get to the core of the story…

Brigette was addressing a gathering of people about her newest big idea that would nurture and groom creative thinking into business and revenues. Her team – as she claimed – were presenting their ideas, while she most ‘humbly’ stuck to her role of coaching them into a direction that would yield the best results. However, her team had yet to complete a full sentence without Brigette’s ‘humble’ opinions interrupting them. Every person in the audience knew that it was her bulldozed ideas that the team was trying to present – in colours and visuals Brigette painstakingly chose for them.

Sitting with the audience, Lorraine could not help but wonder why Brigette did not put her vanity to better use. How about playing back to herself a video capture of her act in business meetings, parties, social gatherings and maybe even family outings? In addition to giving her an opportunity to look at her glorious self on screen, it may possibly enlighten her to tone down the ‘humble’ act to keep it more real. The bane of taking the act too far!

Sitting beside Lorraine in the audience was another business leader who was again an accomplished and renowned hypocrite. He whispers in Lorraine’s ears his regret over the distasteful act. While acknowledging his views would gain Lorraine one more confidante that perceived poorly of Brigette, she would not take his bait. She knew that his befriending pretense was a tactic to draw her opinion of Brigette out into the open to be employed to his benefit. Lorraine responded with an expression that could have meant anything – surprise, acceptance or indifference. She couldn’t quite care which one he picked.

Much after many episodes of similar tonality and content, Lorraine was still contemplative of ways to groom good behavior and acts of charity, disallowing the ensuing self-righteousness from taking away their positive impact on her personality and character. It was ironical that she was fearful of her good acts making her a conceited woman.

It was in this deeply reflective state that Lorraine experienced partial enlightenment.

Was the force driving her to do good a consequence of her need to be accepted by her creator as His child, showering her with all the world’s best? Was the purpose of her acts of charity a deep-seated need to set social wrongs right? Was her objective behind being a good person a need to feel good about herself? Did she believe that if she did good, she and her family would be rewarded with a good life?

Lorraine found herself responding in the affirmative to all these questions.

In theory and belief, her spirituality is embedded in obedience to her creator’s will in all humility, expecting and celebrating rejection and pain on earth. However, she modeled her life around good and charitable acts as advance payment for a great life of luxury and splendour. She realized that with her purpose at crossroads with her spirituality, the Pharisee in her is not going anywhere any time soon. She is going to continue to relate to an increasing number of Brigettes, while attracting a swarm of successful hypocrites. She was still much entrenched in the world and its lure, with her love for the creator not having progressed beyond the transactional.

Can her modest Publican behavior get the better of the forceful Pharisee thinking, through sheer force of habit?